It hurts me deep, like a cut straight through, like a squeezing vice on my heart, like my spirit is crushed – to think about what Jesus went through. For me. For you. The pain I feel thinking about it brings my heart to tremble and my eyes to flooding like a raging river… I shake quite literally.
“Why? Why? WHYYY?” My every fiber cries out.
Then He reminds me with a peace that no word is worthy to describe in full but here goes…
Because the pain heals.
Can you hear my heart and soul quenching that? Can you feel me smile where you sit? Can you see the smile upon His face when we truly understand.
The pain heals.
I can’t really put into words how I feel when I think upon that day, that Cross, that Holy act of a friendship started that can last eternal. But I sure can give it my best effort. Words may fail but I trust that the Holy Spirit of God will fill in the rest that my words can’t fully portray. I would have taken His place, but I couldn’t. I can’t. All I can do is love Him back. And that, my friend, is all He asks.
This is my last blog post. I want to thank my friends and family with ALL my heart for reading and supporting. You’ve been beautiful to my soul.
I just don’t see that I’m having the impact that I wanted to for God. Maybe it’s this or that … but whatever it is, I’m certain He’s not done with me yet.
When most of my family and friends ignored me, you stayed with me. I hope it’s my heart and love and desire to share Christ’s love that shined the most.
I may return some day, but I don’t see it in the near future. I’ll say goodbye to these dreams and concentrate on my health and loving whomever is in my path.
The best salutation – for those who know me best… you’ll understand the double meaning – is this: