Where I’ve walked has not always been easy. Things I’ve seen. Things I’ve done. Things done to me. It certainly has proven that not all who speak of loving each other really mean it… for their actions speak louder than the words they proclaim. I’ve witnessed it by watching and first hand.
So I’m just more cautious and careful about who I connect with on any sort of basis. I decided it was time to put myself on watch. It was all getting me down, so I went off FB for a good long while this summer and I wrote only the very specific, VERY bold posts here on my site. I’d been thinking hard about whether I wanted – needed – to stay present here and on social media.
Would I even be missed? Is the junk I see on the web that brings me down worth seeing?
I thought long and hard about what I was doing and why I was doing it. I evaluated the “why” of connection and networking. I prayed over it and waited.
Am I even supposed to continue writing? What is on the path ahead of me? Am I even on the right path?
Things this last year turned out all opposite of what I thought was actually happening. I was let down terribly.
By those who committed to me and then waned. By those who said they believed in my mission and then turned out not to follow through. I was let down and turned out.
But not by God. Never by God.
I was seeing this casual kind of love from other Christians that the world threw back in our face as an argument against Christ. I’ve seen it for decades, but it has bothered me more and more… and made me change to want to be more like Christ. To acknowledge. To follow through. To love.
God has shown me the lukewarm love I have seen is nothing like His love.
But how was I going to deal with all that I had learned in this last season?
Bottom line: if I’m not making a difference for the better for the Kingdom of the God I love, then what am I doing it for?
I also thought about the social media aspects of what I was sharing. I thought about:
the bad articles that show up,
the things I learned about others just by watching,
the blatant self-promotion over just sharing the heart and soul of who we are,
the propaganda of agenda in haughty tones,
the “networking” for gain,
and the social dribble that not only pollutes the mind but fills it up with unnecessary regurgitated words.
I contemplated quitting sharing my life stories and things that I believe so important about life from birth to eternity.
So I listened and I learned.
And while I’ve slowed down considerably on writing and sharing until I know what I should share that truly matters, I realize that stopping altogether would mean denying who I was made to be, what I was made to do, and one big reason as to my purpose.
I’ve been through a lot. A LOT. A lot of pain and fear and strife and anguish and near-death levels of suffering. But I’ve also experienced a LOT of love – whether I’m missed or not. A LOT of forgiveness, and grace, and learning, and awesomeness that outweighs all the suffering. So stopping the sharing would just be denying it all.
I just can’t be anything other than what I know is true.
I understand why it’s hard for those who don’t know Jesus to imagine why God would allow suffering in the world. Yet it’s harder to imagine a suffering world in which Jesus hadn’t come to suffer alongside us… to live through what we live through… and to give us a way out for all eternity.
I have mentioned writing about these things before, yet I knew I’d know when the time was right. Learning all I could from what God has been teaching me much through experience with others this past year and a half, I realized He had been trying to tell me very specific things. They all lead this soul to one thing…
I’ve always felt called to share.
It’s all about Him. Those words weren’t me. They were because of Him. I wanted to share what He had done in my life so that others could see His vast love… to honor Him. That is the most important thing to me.
Yes, Lord. I will.
I write because I love Him. Completely, without hesitancy, to the fullness of Him… I share.
So because of that I won’t stop sharing. No casual love will do.