We are called to live a genuine, sincere life. When we turn to making excuses then people around us get hurt. It’s easy to let emotion cloud our best judgment in a situation, but God’s people are called to be sincere and genuine.
We are not supposed to make decisions that lend themselves to the opportunity to then make excuses. When we commit we should keep our commitment or at least fully explain why we can not. “I’m too busy” is something we should all know before we ever accept. And that then-later “too busy” looks like an excuse for certain when people see something else being taken on that shoves a previous commitment to the side only to become a burden for everyone involved.
Then things can turn from bad to worse. When those excuses become dangerous is when they become the death of a relationship. And with the person being “one way” in private but then “another way” in public, it becomes the death of trust. It can become so bad that the person doesn’t see the pain they are inflicting and it all becomes very hurtful. Then come the excuses for hurting. This “one way” in private and “another way” in public is living disingenuous.
The real definition for that word is this:
not candid or sincere.
So we go to them in hopes of salvaging a relationship because they’ve hurt us by misconstruing things. We give them yet another chance even inside our pain.
When someone you think you can trust understands with clarity that what they did hurts you and they still make excuses instead of fully apologize, you continue to be hurt by less than sincere words.
Many of those people speak of it publicly allowing people to think lies about you then it takes it to a whole other level. And the hurt they cause is blinded to them because they participated in excuses so long that they believe they are right.
This is the moment we can have peace about dusting off our shoes and moving on.
Why make excuses – even small ones – that can certainly start to look dishonest when they compound? Why not keep our word and commitment? Why take everything to a level that someone else never meant, putting words in their mouth? All one has to do is ask for something to be clarified instead of making something out to be something else entirely. We can look like a fool rather quickly doing that.
Let’s take time to discuss and ask things as Believers instead of jumping to conclusions that can seriously hurt others.
Let’s not misrepresent them to others for self-gratification.
Let’s not let others speak untruths about them just to make ourselves feel better when we KNOW THE REAL TRUTH about the person.
And let us put the pain of being hurt by those who do these things to us in a place of trusting God. Because He knows the ultimate truth. No, this isn’t at all easy. It isn’t easy at all.
We are asked to speak the truth. Should we not?
Since you put away lying, Speak the truth, each one to his neighbor, because we are members of one another. ~ Ephesians 4:25 HCSB
I write this today because I have been very hurt by someone I had trusted for quite a long time. Although for more than 6 months I had seen these excuses building and I grew leary of trusting, I decided to continue giving the benefit of trust from my vantage point. It turns out the excuses turned into more excuses with no sincere apology and the disingenuous (not candid or sincere) factor became evident. Make no mistake – I was VERY hurt and conveyed this to a person I thought I could trust. This person took everything I said to a level that misconstrued it to put words in my mouth I never said. They chose to be offended by something I never said. A relationship was lost over it. And now I ask myself: Should I have bothered to try to straighten out what this person misconstrued about me? Should I have even tried to speak to them in private about how they had hurt me and those around us? Is it worth it?
I still don’t have the answers. But one thing I do know is that it hurt to have someone let others make false accusations about me that I know God knows are not true. She even let people on her social media wall attack me. One called me a “hater”… with a hashtag #hatersgonnahate. A hashtag even. She didn’t defend the fact she knows I’m not. She didn’t delete it.
That was just one of the things I was made aware of. That is a painful knife in the back, friends, to this girl who tries so extremely hard to love others. When someone does not care that they hurt you, it’s obvious. I think excuses are awful when they cause pain.
I did decide to forgive this person right away. She is a fellow Christian, but even if she hadn’t been I’d still forgive.
It still hurts though. Obviously. But forgiveness will help heal my heart. Even if she and others choose to call me a “hater”, I choose to forgive.
I tell you what I learned though: I will not trust her or anyone so quickly ever again. We can never know what lurks behind an ego.
Social media can be great and it can be awful. I couldn’t stand the pain ~ and if you have read much of my blog then you know that stress like this causes the body pain to increase drastically. I won’t be on social media for a while. It’s just better for the heart right now. It’s shattered but God always heals.