A Heart That Loves Is A Heart That Hurts

True connection is a heart thing. My heart is deep. It hugs hard, can be hurt hard, and soaks up love hard. It’s a serious heart beating for all that God gives me to do in this life. We’ve only got one, you know. One life. One heart. ❤️

Remember that “blogging” apology I made? I guess it turns out some didn’t like it. But many did, and you let me know you’ve been feeling the same things. Thank you for trusting me with those not-so-easy conversations.

And remember that goal of mine to change things back to my original calling? Well, my new site is nearly done and I am so excited to get it done! {If you’ve peeked at it… there’s more coming!}

I’m sorrowful I lost people. But it’s not my job to convict, and yet that is likely what it was. In all honesty, God convicted me too. That’s WHY I came to that place of “turn around and redo”.

I don’t like getting notifications when someone unsubscribes from my blog email newsletters. I’m certainly okay that they do. I just want that these softwares didn’t tell me. It hurts my heart in some ways.

I have done so – unsubscribed – and nearly always it’s because I’m reading the blog another method (readers, social media links, bookmarked it, etc) or it just changed and doesn’t seem to be much more than self-serving, or harsh in preachy tone, or full of “buy this” wording.

If I change my reading methods (which is usually the case}, then I still try to stay in contact somehow with that person -comments, likes, shares, etc. I believe in real connections, not just “I’ll follow yours if you follow mine”. I want to touch people’s hearts and souls for Jesus, and I want the same from their sharings.

I really appreciate those who message me privately about something I’ve shared. I do that too. It’s important that we connect through more than simple likes and quick comments.

But I’m concerned. Not because I have had 8 people I don’t know and 8 people I do know unsubscribe from my sharings since November. {Yeah, I know it is not something bloggers want to admit. But I carry no shame to tell you, because I’m convinced God has the followers, not me, and so He will bring those to me who need to hear Him through me. After all, if that weren’t how I believed then I might be in danger of going seriously off-track and I’d have to unsubscribe from myself. ;) }

What concerns me is the vast amount of people who subscribe/follow others just to see if they’ll subscribe/follow to theirs. It started to concern me over a year ago, because I realized I had fallen into that blogging quick sand trap! It didn’t take me long to stop that. And also concerning me is that “back scratching” mentality of “once I follow you you must participate in and share my stuff”.

No one says it out loud.
But I’ve seen it happen.

Connecting is great! But I don’t want to be “yoked” to someone who simply wants something from me. I’m not assuming those 8 aren’t reading in another way (actually there is no indication that most are}, so I will admit that it hurts the heart to have people leave in the middle of my sharing soul deep about my illness and what God is doing through it. I guess things will never stop hurting as long as we are here.

So to those who read my soul as I lay it out on the screen, please know I appreciate you and the love you have for the Body of Christ in testimony.

And to those who read to learn more about Christ, know that I am still learning too and applaud your efforts to do so. That is the way to fully living life.

And to those who just follow/comment/like to simply get others to reciprocate for your “recognition” or whatever reason…

Stop.

If you say you are doing this all for God, then make it true. That’s what I intend to do.

Lord, please keep me on the road to renewal and keep me off the road of “empty connection, participation, and recognition”. Search my heart and make it as pure as it wants to be. Ruin any fleshly desire to want the wrong road that destroys Your full plan for my life. Amen.

Live blessed and to bless,
Heather

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11 thoughts on “A Heart That Loves Is A Heart That Hurts

  1. writerwannabe763 says:

    I’ve not really ever subscribe to the ‘you follow me and I follow you’ routine… If someone follows me and actually has read something before they do, I will go and take a peek at their blog. If I feel that it is one I’m interested in … after reading a couple of their blogs, then I will likely follow. Sometimes I wait even a bit to see if there is any regularity… Most times you can tell almost immediately if they are following you to advertise something.. selling something.. book, a service or something. I keep a folder of those who follow me, to follow-up with and see what’s happened to allow a little time… Since when though do you get a notice if someone ‘un-follows’ you? I sure know there are a lot who don’t keep up following but I’ve never gotten a notice. Diane

    Liked by 1 person

    • Heather Mertens says:

      Good method, Diane! That is similar to how I follow. I really can’t possilby have the time to read every blog post on every blog or website I follow, and commenting gets my foggy-brain rattled sometimes ;), but I can certainly tell sincerity when I see it in a blog.

      You actually don’t get “unfollow” notices from WordPress (and I doubt from other free blog servies). I am referring to my “subscribe by emails” newsletter (link at the top of my site). It is through Mailchimp and I send out things in addition to my blog posts through it. Those types of services do notify you. You should sign up for it since that will be primary method of sharing parts of my books free. When I get them finished. ;)

      Like

  2. Planting Potatoes says:

    Since I have been blogging – I don’t even know how many followers I have – have never cared if people follow or unfollow me – to me, it’s like when God told David not to count the men he had in his army – the only reason I do interact more with those who interact with me – is that if someone comments on my blog – or even just reads a post – to me, it means God led that person to my blog – therefore – bringing Glory to him. I join you in writing about God and for God, with other people who do the same – and in that way, I am sharing in God’s blessings. I know I don’t have to tell you I will not unfollow you, right? :) God bless you Heather!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Heather Mertens says:

      Hi Mark! I won’t unfollow yours either! I don’t always get to comment (brain too full and my health takes much of my internet time as I research the best things for my Fibro etc), but your blog posts are so wonderful. Just like my friend, Diane’s (in the comment above yours), I find hope and God’s Truth!
      I actually don’t know who all follows through WordPress. It’s too many to keep track even if I wanted. Hahaha! I am referring to my Mailchimp newsletter (that “subscribe” button at the top of my blog) where I send out more than just my posts here. I do believe you get that newsletter. It’s the blogging circles that seem to fall into the traps I spoke of in this post and others like it. I’ve met some great new friends who I can fellowship with and others have treated me so badly (and others I have met) that it just is so self- serving. Like high school clique groups.
      I prefer fellowship and God’s Truth over all that – like I have with you and other readers through Wordpess. :)

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Valerie Rutledge says:

    Diggin’ the new website, Heather!
    Praying that God leads people to your site that need to hear what He is saying through you. You have your own unique testimony with your illness and I love that you are allowing God to use even that for His glory. Blessings today and everyday!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Heather Mertens says:

      Thank you for that prayer specifically, Valerie. While I don’t want my entire ministry to be wrapped around this illness, because I was healed before of another, I do want God to use it as He sees the future and I don’t. Blessings to you!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Mary Geisen says:

    Your voice rings true and I pray that it is heard clearly as you seek to honor God in your wiring and your life. We are here to shine for God and to do that we need to be honest, loving and share His name with all. Thank you for showing me what this looks like with your words and the way you live. Blessed to be your friend!

    Love you new site! :)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Heather Mertens says:

      Mary, I really appreciate the prayers of being heard clearly. As you know from our past conversations, that is something that is extremely important to me. I don’t want to write anything in passing or that someone may not understand completely. My sleeve is full because I wear a lot there.
      I too am very blessed to be your friend, to have your words shine into my life, to have you understand my heart so clearly. ❤️

      Like

  5. Deanna says:

    I’m one of those people that if I don’t find value in your words, whether you follow me or not I simply will not read your blog. (not yours of course…but getting the point across). Our words must be used well and some people may only follow for a season and then move on because their lives do. With your blog and mine the topics are not seasonal, but perhaps the people are not always able to take in the deepness depending on what they are going through. Even with having a relationship with the blogger if the blog starts going into areas that are not relevant to my life in this season I tend to unsubscribe, even if that means just peeking on Facebook at the relevant posts.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Heather Mertens says:

    That “deeper” thing… You have a great point there, friend. I tend to experience most people do not want to think deep. I can’t not think deep. ;-) I can’t thank you enough for your prayers. They mean so much to me. I’ll get back into the groove of things in no time I hope. Much love to you. ❤️

    Like

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