What Is Not Heard In the Silence {LIVING with PAIN}

In the silence…
The pain is deafening.
The exhaustion is overwhelming.
The fatigue is crushing.
The foggy brain is scary beyond words… because words literally can’t be found.
The all over body symptoms are relentless.
The feeling of defeat is real. REAL. REAL.

I wrote a couple of weeks ago about my Conversations With the Enemy. I let you in those moments. They are heart and soul crushing, but, as God is God, He provides the healing my heart and soul need in those moments. It’s just that those moments are happening more and more often.

Fibromyalgia, Myofascial Pain Syndrome, Chronic Pain, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome ~ whatever your silent pain… I know it is REAL. I’m there with you. You are not alone. I know… it is a lonely feeling we get.

What will our future be like?

Chronic illness. Real. REAL. REAL.

These seem silent … like silent health issues to others who don’t live this silence. But they are anything but silent to those who suffer from them. The fact I have this chronic pain and other issues ~ fibromyalgia ~ has opened my ears further to the silent enemy.

Silence isn’t always bad. Sometimes…

Silence brings relaxation for me. I need it. I have learned to admit that and not just keep going and going to get things done. Tomorrow really doesn’t need me to worry about it, just as Jesus said.

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. ~ Matthew 6:34

Did you catch that? He also said, “Today’s trouble is enough for today.” We can have every ounce of faith and believe in a positive outcome ~ for anything ~ and we can ask with expectation, but we can’t expect to live a trouble-less life. He warned us. It came with the garden fruit choice.

Silence for me now has come in the form of being off of Facebook and social media except for things I have to check. And OH OH OH … I decided that isn’t much. I have felt relief that I really didn’t expect. In order to finish this book ~ which I’m not even sure I will since I feel like things are just too heavy ~ and figure things out for my health, I needed some silence from the world. I have felt your prayers more than I could even express in words. Your messages, emails, and comments here… they have overwhelmed my soul with love.

I have felt a lot of fatigue, pain, heaviness, and sadness this past couple of years… and much in the past 6 months. I have heard what is not heard in the silence.

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I’ve been spending time writing. And being in the good silence. My silent space, my soul rest space. Either in my bedroom or outside in the sun which helps my health.

If you know someone with chronic pain or another illness that seems only “bothersome”, remember that they are probably suffering in silence. Inside Silence. The enemy version.

Fibromyalgia {caused by an over active malfunctioning nervous system} feels like this:

~ Intense muscle pain unexplained.
~ Nerves shooting pain in an instant.

{Both making it exceedingly hard to walk or move at that moment.}

~ Major sleep problems.
~ Extreme exhaustion and fatigue.
~ “Out of nowhere” stress.
~ Mood attacks or depression.
~ Migraines and headaches.
~ Digestive problems.
~ Dizziness and balance problems.
~ Foggy brain and memory problems.
~ Dry mouth.
~ Tingling or numbness.
~ Urinary frequency caused by bladder spasms.

There are more things that can happen, but this list is overwhelming just to think about let alone live. Imagine what it’s like to feel like you must have a serious allergy affecting your mouth and everything you eat tastes like salt. Everything. Yeah. Thankfully that didn’t last but a few weeks for me, but the dry mouth still bothers me. Now add about 90% of those other symptoms and know that you can’t even lay down to get away from the pain. Then add in the fact you think you have something else wrong… buy a new mattress, get stomach issues checked, take more meds for pain, stop the madness!

I’m tired, friends. Starting my day sometimes is just about as much energy as I have for the rest of the day.

I’m believing for healing. I’ve been miraculously healed once in my life. I’m waiting and believing. I trust God COMPLETELY.

I just feel like
I’m
Doing
It
Alone.

I’m not and I know it.
But it lies like that.
And the Silence Enemy lies too.

I know the Ultimate Healer… and He is no liar. He is Mine.

Thank you, Jesus, for being with me in my silent moments.

~ Heather

If you’d like to read the soul-deep stuff I share… I’m eternally grateful. You can get my soul-deep stuff in your email inbox.

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23 thoughts on “What Is Not Heard In the Silence {LIVING with PAIN}

  1. Lilka Raphael says:

    You are not alone.
    I am learning that in the silent times, some of the most powerful and meaningful things in my life take place. I can not see them or hear them but they are there. Angels work on my behalf. God moves. He answers. We don’t have to hear Him but He IS there!

    Like

  2. imconfident says:

    I’m sure you have already researched information on fibro, but wondered if you have you ever read the books, ‘The Maker’s Diet” by Jordan S. Rubin and ‘The Daniel Plan’ by Rick Warren? They have great information on healthy diets that help people with various diseases including fibromyalgia. I’m also reading a book right now called ‘Reversing Fibromyalgia’ by Dr. Joe M Elrod and I’m giving it to my one friend who has fibro. All books have the same basic information and if you haven’t read any yet, maybe they might be helpful? Keep praying and believing!

    Like

    • Heather Mertens @ 40YearWanderer says:

      Yes, I am reading so much my head is spinning. I’m praying through everything I read since there are so many seemingly great ideas and reputable doctors and studies about how one gets these illnesses. Seems to me it is a combination of reasons and get a combination of helpful things. My diet has changed so much last several years as well as things I’m using to be more natural and organic. My hormones have gone crazy and my nervous system has decided to do so as well so I’ll keep searching. I thank you so so much for the information and suggestions.
      Hugs dear friend,
      Heather

      Like

  3. Annie B says:

    Reblogged this on Eyes Wide Open and commented:
    Whether you have a chronic illness, disease, or a seemingly never-ending trial you face today…this is a beautiful and encouraging post from my dear Heather. Check out her site after reading and let her know you support her as she encourages others through the pain!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ceil says:

    Hi Heather! I’m so glad that on your deepest level, you know that you are not alone. But living with pain and heaviness is definitely wearing. I will pray for you, and for your energy level. I know that sometimes it’s just all you can do to get through a day, much less write a book. God’s peace be with you.
    Ceil

    Like

  5. Kelly McManus says:

    Thank you stepping out on faith and for courageously sharing this Heather! Our God will use your pain in mighty ways for His glory each and every day. Remain steadfast in your writing and transparency. Keep fighting the good fight dear sister–I too trust in the Lord one day at a time to overcome the unseen physical thorns in my life. My prayers are with you!

    In His Love, Kelly McManus

    PS/ I’m going to share your blog today :)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. passagethroughgrace says:

    I hear your cry and even though it feels like a silent cry-it is heard! Your pain is God’s pain, your challenges are His and your healing is His. You pour your heart out on this page and hopefully then the silence does not feel so smothering because through your words you have released some of the pain. Praying for you and the daily challenges that come your way. Believing that God is the mighty healer who loves nothing more than to comfort His children. Blessings, Mary

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Jennifer says:

    Mmmmm. Finally the quiet moments in the wee hours to finish reading what I started. I’m sorry for your pain. I know I’ll always think to pray when I begin to understand your everyday experience. Love you!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. poetry joy says:

    You describe it so well. I am sharing the pain and the silence with you, Heather, as well as the hope of healing to come. We are not alone, my friend. Rest well. Blessings, gentle ((Hugs)) and lots of love. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Heather Mertens @ 40YearWanderer says:

      Dear Joy,

      God be with you, and heal you, and bless you and others in the wait. Our healings are coming. And we will have a story we can tell the world.

      Who knows maybe will be telling people the story side-by-side… our stories of how we shared our faith together in the waiting!
      HUGS my dear dear Joy!

      Like

    • Heather Mertens @ 40YearWanderer says:

      You are so loved by me, Susan! ❤️

      I was just telling my daughter yesterday that sometimes I get a feeling that “just receiving” might be self-centered. I know things around the house need to be done, and even when I have help – which my family does help so much – I feel like stopping and taking time even for a bath to help my muscles is self-centered.

      But then I realize that’s what moms and wives and caretakers do. I’m service mind and so I have been learning the past year or so that God is telling me it’s okay to rest. That I need it. That even He rested. So I know with my heart and soul and Spirit, and now my mind is getting it.
      Love you dear sister,
      Heather

      Like

  9. Holly Barrett says:

    So glad that our sweet Jesus is always sustaining you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us and for linking up at Testimony Tuesday. Heather, I’m glad you are listening and taking a social media break to concentrate on other things. Praying for you to maintain your focus on Him.

    Like

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