The Trap of Going There Anyway

Do you ever stop and think about what in your life is a comfort that shouldn’t be?

Is there something that consumes your thoughts in such a way that you know it isn’t healthy or productive but you go there anyway?

BEWARE! That’s a trap. Beware because it can enslave you and affect everyone around you.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that the hole in your heart can only be successfully filled by One.

Let that hole be filled.

Fighting without God is like losing before you even start.

We were not made to be alone.

“Where can I go from your Spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in hell, you are there” ~ Psalm 139

My story may be different from any you’ve ever heard… but parts might be just what you’ve lived. Share with me. I’m ALL IN to love.

I’m sharing my experience again, because I’ve been hearing from so many, mentoring, encouraging… with this heart pain.

Love your hearts,


The self loathing was a ‘beyond my control, caught in my throat’ kind of oppression. It led to the most emotionally excruciating pain I have ever experienced. The conversations in my mind were increasingly evil. So loud, yet they somehow made perfect sense to me.

I planned ways to die. I yearned deep in my soul to leave the pain behind forever. I saw no end in sight. I would hear a voice whisper with such evil force, “You are not worth anything.” That was an awful voice, but it was familiar.

Yet, I faintly heard another voice that never left me. Screaming, in the most comforting way, to help me.

Read what God did and what I heard Him Say…



10 thoughts on “The Trap of Going There Anyway

  1. imconfident says:

    Heather, I read your story before but didn’t comment. It is so powerful and full of hope. Your past is in many ways similar to mine, full of depression, feelings of worthlessness, not being able to measure up, suicidal thoughts. You are so right when you say that God is the only one who can fill the hole inside of us. We try to fill it with things of this world and they will never fulfill us. I struggled for so many years with God in my back pocket and now I know how foolish I was. He is the only one who can give us peace and joy and I will never turn back.

    Every week I meet people through my small group, workshops and coaching who are lost and living with no hope and I try to encourage them to open their hearts and listen to God but many keep struggling and it is so frustrating. Yet there are times that I see positive changes and I know that they are starting their walk with God.

    Wish you lived close to me because I would really enjoy chatting with you in person. We seem to have so much in common. May God bless you and your family!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Heather Mertens @ 40YearWanderer says:

      Hi Brenda,
      Thank you for this beautiful comment full of lovely holy words. I will pray for you and those you are mentoring and coaching. His grace will never fail, dear lady.
      I wish we lived close too! A whole country apart is a big distance, but who knows… maybe our paths will cross one day. If not here, then in Heaven. Let us stay in touch. I’d love that!
      Oh, and I added this to my post but wanted you to see it… maybe you can share this with someone… if their soul needs it.

      God completely healed me of this disease and depression in June of 1997. In a prayer, in an instant, I was healed after 25 years of the pain. I intend to write more about that in my book and on my blog, but just remember if you are going through this and you are not healed yet… DO NOT STOP looking to Him. He has a plan and in the end, you will see it. He loves you right through it.


      • imconfident says:

        God has also healed me of my depression, along with other things including the strength to overcome my fear of public speaking. I struggled until almost age 60 and then 4 years ago when I decided to put God first in my life, I was able to stop taking medication after 25 years and I seldom get depressed. When I do feel it creeping up on me, I have learned to pray and lean on Him to get me through.

        God certainly uses the weak and foolish to confound the wise and mighty – I am a good example of that and I always share this with people who are struggling. People need a positive example to give them hope.

        I’m glad I found your blog. It’s great to connect with someone who understands the importance of making God number one!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Heather Mertens @ 40YearWanderer says:

    Just want everyone to know about this miracle since all this was in my life so heavy:

    God completely healed me of this disease and depression in June of 1997. In a prayer, in an instant, I was healed after 25 years of the pain. I intend to write more about that in my book and on my blog, but just remember if you are going through this and you are not healed yet… DO NOT STOP looking to Him. He has a plan and in the end, you will see it. He loves you right through it.

    Much love, dear Hearts,


  3. bunnyb1802 says:

    This is an amazing testimony my friend.

    We share a similar story of fear of abandonment, suicidal thoughts and attempts, depression, feeling pursued by evil.

    I’m so pleased you can share a story of triumph and victory and that by sharing it you are encouraging others to go where you found help.

    God too has worked in my life, even to saving it by getting a friend to come to my house when I was quietly planning another attempt and she prayed with me and God gave her a verse for me Ps118:17.

    I still struggle with negative thoughts from time to time but God reminds me that, without Him, I will not get the victory but with Him I am more than a conqueror.

    If it wasn’t for Jesus, I know I would be dead. That is no lie. God saved my life, quite literally.

    God bless you Heather for opening up and sharing your story.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Daddysgirl says:

    Heather, I love your stories but it is the light you shine from with in, is whom I am deeply madly in love with. I love the way your share God and his encouraging ways…, keep shinning. Your sister in Christ, Helen

    Liked by 1 person

    • Heather Mertens @ 40YearWanderer says:

      My heart is all God-hugged just by reading your comment. I love every encouraging comment I get, but yours… is extra special to me because that is all I want … to shine HIM. Then I know I am successful at loving others because He loved me first.
      HUGS to YOU!! You have reached in and touched my soul deep, so so deep.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Susan Irene Fox says:

    Heather, we are SO on the same wavelength this week. Am writing about just this thing for my blog on Friday. We don’t realize how powerful God is until we experience His saving grace and our lives are transformed completely. Nothing – NOTHING – fills that void except His love. Our stories have so many similarities, I think that’s why we connected so quickly. I am certain I would not be on this earth were it not for Jesus. He owns me, mind, heart and soul, and I have willingly given myself to Him. I pray whoever is seeking would trust enough to lift their arms to Him. Bless you, Heather.

    Liked by 1 person

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