It Hurts Me, How About You? … How to Live Still Blessed

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I wrote this straight out of prayer and contemplation over it. The love I received in the comments about this – on my FB page – demonstrates beautiful souls and also God’s love. I share my heart so that others will feel they do not walk alone. That’s why the majority of my posts are about living a life filled with love and joy.

This is real and vulnerable because that’s the only way for me to live fully honest.

It finally happened. I knew it would at some point since I write publicly. But it wouldn’t happen if all eyes who read the words that pour out of my heart actually read the entirety and took what they know about me into consideration.

I try hard to never look for the bad things, but this was inevitable. I’ve had numerous { can’t even come close to counting } conversations with people I know, people I don’t really know, atheists, agnostics, Seekers, Christians – even ones who disagree with me about various things – conversations where we have extremely different belief systems or beliefs about God. I guard my heart, but also I stay as real and raw about my life and experience as the ears will allow in these situations. After all, I’m not living under a delusion that I’m 100% correct about anything, but I am loving under a promise made long before I was born. A promise that love prevails. So I take solace in having been told over and over again that I am easy to talk with even about subjects that we don’t see eye to eye on… that I do so with respect and love.

This particular one though… the one I knew had to happen sooner or later. Yes. That one. It was hard to have someone I trusted personally attack me, then apologize and then use excuse after excuse as to negate the so-called apology. And that was about the third time in a year that it happened. What is it they say about third times? Oh it wasn’t charming at all. I was misquoted and misrepresented and told hurtful things.

Forgiving is easy for me because I understand I’ve been forgiven for grievances… even far worse ones. But what is hard? Well, the hard part is knowing that no matter how clear I present my words, how succinctly I present my heart, there will be those who intentionally, or unintentionally, don’t hear them, but then try to hold me to a place they’ve put me in. That’s called agenda. And everyone knows how I feel about agendas. If you don’t… they equate to labeling. And that just doesn’t sit well with me.

So as it goes, I had to leave the conversation, the relationship as it stands. It saddens me. But God knows my heart and my intentions. And that’s all I need to rest in assurance of when it comes to heart-guarding. If someone doesn’t see my heart then they are seeing what they want. And that, I’ll never be able to change. It breaks my heart.

I will live forgiven, forgiving others, full of joy, and loved.

I will live as I convey many times in my salutation…. Blessed.

Live Blessed,

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Walk the journey with me? That would be cool.

40YearWanderer.com

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12 thoughts on “It Hurts Me, How About You? … How to Live Still Blessed

  1. imconfident says:

    It’s hard to be attacked by someone close to you. I know because I live with someone who often attacks my faith and beliefs and I’ve forgiven over and over again. We just have to remember that people don’t always see things clearly but God always sees what is in our heart and that is what really matters.

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  2. Diane Walter says:

    I understand this, Heather. Huge stumbling issues for me are, 1) in my face YOU statements of accusation without clarification questions first, and 2) refusing to believe my clarification of intent (i.e. assuming I’m a liar). Not very fond of excuses that don’t make sense or turning blame around, either. I did this dance with my abuser, becoming more and more careful until now I just don’t, with anyone. That simple. Not anger, not unforgiveness, not punishment. What people think of us has as much or more to do with them, than with us. There are SO MANY beautiful friends, or gonna-be friends, who PREFER to see our good hearts, an honor we so gladly return. Blessings to you! Diane

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    • Heather Mertens @ 40YearWanderer says:

      Diane,
      I’m so thankful you found this love for yourself to not let others abuse you like that. It isn’t easy after we have let ourselves develop a pastern of letting them for various reasons. I totally understand what you are saying about it. It’s not unforgiveness. It’s more like abstinence. I just don’t engage. You are 150% right – it’s about them and not us.

      That doesn’t stop it from hurting a bit though. Unfortunately. :(

      Bless you dear friend.
      ~ Heather

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  3. Teresa Halabi says:

    My heart breaks for you sister, I know the pain of betrayal from friends. God bless you and keep you moving forward with your calling. And remember (as I have been reminding myself daily)… we need to perform for an audience of ONE.

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